


Chasing Ghosts

by Allamarain



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Episode: s02e11 Perpetual Infinity, Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 08:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20171023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allamarain/pseuds/Allamarain
Summary: Set during “Perpetual Infinity”, Burnham is distraught over the conversation with her mother. She receives comfort from an unexpected source.





	Chasing Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> Given my user name, I should have at least one Star Trek fic, right?

Michael stood in the Engineering lab with Captain Pike, Stamets, Spock, and Tyler, discussing how to destroy the Sphere data which was stubbornly resisting deletion.

“Dr. Burnham has been trying to destroy the sphere. Perhaps there is a reason she has failed.” Spock’s monotone filled the lab. He continued with a quote from some ancient Earth philosopher, but Michael was only half paying attention. Her mother’s words echoed through her mind.

_I don’t know what you’ve told yourself all these years, but I let you go a long time ago_.

Repeating over and over in her head, blocking out nearly everything else. 

How could she do that? So cold, so uncaring? All these years, she would have given anything to speak to her parents again. She felt tears rising to her eyes and blinked, hoping the others were too wrapped up in the plan to ignore her. 

She needed to regain her composure. Fast. Years of upbringing on Vulcan taught her well how to suppress outward displays of emotion. Not easily accomplished by a recently orphaned child, but she learned quickly when she became the object of ridicule among the Vulcan children. She drew a breath. _Focus, Michael. Figure out how to save Mom now. Cry later._ She turned her attention back to Spock.

“What appears to be immutable is not: a mountain, the Sphere, time. In this case, I wonder if time itself may provide the answer.” Spock said.

She spoke quickly. “Instead of fighting time, we go with it.” When Stamets looked confused, she continued. “Stop trying to destroy the Sphere, and merge it right into the river of time itself.”

“You mean send it so far into the future it can’t do us any harm?” Tyler asked.

“I collected data from Dr. Burnham when she first arrived.” Stamets spoke with quiet awe. “The Red Angel suit has almost limitless quantum computational power. Literally infinite storage.”

“Meaning you can transfer the Sphere archive into the suit, program a destination point beyond Dr. Burnham’s anchor point and let the wormhole take it forever?” asked Pike.

“Perpetual infinity.” Stamets looked pleased. “Control will never get the data in order to evolve.”

“But my mother is connected to the future, just like the suit. What happens to her?” She tried to keep her voice even as she looked to the others.

“To sever your mother from her space-time requires the energy equivalent of a supernova.” Stamets said. Michael looked away, crushed.

“But we do have another, massive, source of exotic energy.” Stamets added.

“The dark matter particles!” Excitement filled Michael. This had a chance to work!

“We may be able to modify a transporter enhancer with dark matter.” Stamets continued.

Yes,to pierce the timestream long enough to lock on Dr. Burnham, beam her into our space-time. Permanently” Spock paused, then added. “I like science.” His expression had the slightest smirk.

“It’s a long shot, but I think this is the best we’ll be able to do, given the circumstances,” Pike nodded to Spock. “Assist Stamets and Burnham with the transporter modifications. We don’t have much time. I’ll communicate the plan to the bridge crew.”

“I’ll inform Leland.” Tyler followed after Pike. The door to the Engineering lab whooshed behind him as they left. 

Spock handed Michael a PADD. “Begin the calculations for the dark matter amount required. I will add additional stabilizers to the transporter array.”

She began, vaguely aware of a conversation between Spock and Stamets about buffer pattern expansion as she focused on the differential equations in front of her. A subject she’d mastered as a teenager, they should have been simple, but she kept thinking back to her mother. 

_Time is savage._

_All of this is meaningless._

No. It wouldn’t be. They would sever her from the Angel suit and keep her in this time. 

_And then what?_, she thought. _ More rejection_? Was there something in all of those timelines her mother had witnessed, was there something she’d done that would bring about such disgust, even apathy towards her? She’d thought of how low she’d felt with Philippa was killed by T’Kuvma, yet she’d relive that moment fifty times to have her Mom smile at her.

She felt as if she were to boil over with sadness and anger, for the second time that day. She wished Tilly was here with them. She was amazing at helping Michael through turmoil, provided she could stop talking long enough to listen. But Tilly was needed on the bridge. 

A tense silence filled the room after Stamets and Spock finished their discussion. Michael wished she could think of something to say. Tilly, as much as she prattled on, was also good at providing social lubricant. Spock, even when they were on better terms, wasn’t much for small talk. She and Stamets had a cordial, but distant, relationship. They’d gotten off to a rough start when she’d first joined the crew, and she’d never formed the close friendship with him. She had more of a rapport with Captain Pike than she did with Stamets, and he’d only been acting captain for a few months. 

The fact she’d had a relationship with Tyler, his husband’s murderer, didn’t help. She’d noticed a nearly imperceptible shift in him, how he ever so slightly tensed up in Tyler’s presence, as if he would unleash his fury on Tyler at any moment. But Stamets wasn’t like that. He focused on the job. Just like she should be doing. 

The PADD beeped at her. She’d failed to input valid parameters for a third time. Her right hand trembled. She put the PADD down, closed her eyes, and drew another deep breath. 

“Michael,” Spock’s interrupted her thoughts. “This is no time for meditation.” 

“I know, just give me a minute.” She kept her eyes closed. 

“May I remind you we only have 37 of those minutes until the containment field fails.” Spock chided her. “Every moment you waste is decreasing our chances of success.”

Her eyes flew open, then narrowed at Spock. “You don’t have to tell me!” Her brother constantly infuriated her with his smug superiority. What did he know?

“I’m only saying…”

“Spock, can you grab the pattern enhancers from the equipment room? Left at the exit, third door on your right.” Stamets gave him a pointed look. He picked up Spock’s PADD. “And take this with you.”

Spock stared at him in disbelief, then realized his meaning. “If Michael is unable to perform the calculations, perhaps we should…” he chose his words carefully, “reassign them.”

“No one on this ship is more invested in the success of this operation than she is.” Stamets held Spock’s gaze. “Now.” 

Spock frowned. “Do not forget to compensate for the planetary gravity.” Gripping the PADD, he headed to the exit. 

Stamets gave her a small smile. “Brothers, right? They can be infuriating.”

She gave a small nod, not trusting herself to say anything. Stamets had a brother? She realized she didn’t even know much about him outside of work.

“He’s been like that since he was six.” She picked up the PADD and went back to her calculations. 

Following her cue, Stamets returned to the display. “Your mother has a chance. Not a good one, but it’s better than nothing.” 

“I know.” Her anger gave way to relief and confusion. She tried to focus on the equations. Math was cold and hard and unfeeling. Math followed rules. Math was logical. Math would never let her down. 

“Must be hard though, realizing you could lose her again.” he remarked.

“Might be harder if we hang on to her.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I talked to her,” she felt the tears spring to her eyes again, “she wanted nothing to do with me.” She gave up the pretense of calculating and put her hands on the display.

Stamets stopped typing and looked up. “I’m so sorry, Michael, I didn’t realize. I wasn’t able to watch your conversation on the feed.” 

She didn’t bother hiding her tears at this point. “She was so cold, so hardened. I mean, she was focused on her job when I was a kid, but she always made time for me and Dad. Now, she’s just…nothing matters to her except the Sphere data being destroyed.”

“She’d changed then.” He said slowly.”Wasn’t the way you remembered her?”

“Yeah.”

“And you wonder…how could she do that to someone she loved?” 

“Exactly! What happened to her that was so horrible, that she would act like that towards me?”

Stamets breathed out a sigh. “I ask myself that question all the time.”

_Of course._ She knew he was currently separated, but she didn’t know much beyond that, not being one to listen to gossip. She put aside her discomfort for diving into personal matters. “You and Dr. Culber…can I ask what happened?”

“Identity crisis, I suppose.” He frowned. “I don’t really know, to be honest.”

“It’s funny,” the words were rushing through her now. “In the med bay, when she’d asked to speak to Pike alone, Dr. Culber told me Mom had been through something nobody else had, and we didn’t know how that would change her.” 

“That makes sense. Seeing all those futures would probably change you even more than being resurrected. I think he’s still trying to figure that out how he’s changed himself.” Stamets remarked.

“He doesn’t seem different to me.” She added. Then again, she hadn’t known Dr. Culber all that well either. “His bedside manner, at least.”

“His mannerisms, general personality..they’re all Hugh. But the uneasiness with himself..that’s new.” After a beat, Stamets added. “You know, he wanted to talk to me while you were down on Essof IV.”

“And…?”

“I pushed him away. I couldn’t let myself get hurt again, not after…” his voice trailed off. 

“I’m sorry,” She wasn’t sure what else to say. With all the tragedy in her life so far, she should have been better at comforting people. Or maybe it was _because_ she’d been through so much. Bland condolences and platitudes lost their meaning after she’d heard them so often. Other people meant well, but it didn’t help. Not really. And most of the time, they didn’t understand how you were hurting. 

But every now and then, there was one person who understood. And sometimes, you found them in the most unexpected places. There was was an old Earth expression, time heals all wounds. She didn’t think that was true. In this case, time was causing the largest wounds of all. _Connection>_ heals all wounds.

When Stamets picked up his PADD and didn’t say anything further, she went back to the task at hand. Her head clearer, the numbers came easier. Before she knew it, she was finished. “Sending you the dark matter calculations now.” 

“Thanks.” He glanced at the numbers. He flipped open his communicator. “Captain, we’re ready to proceed.”

“Excellent.” Pike’s voice came over the communicator. “Meet Spock in the transporter room. He’ll give you the transporter enhancers to take planetside.”

They headed to the transporter room at a brisk pace.. Out of nowhere, Stamets told her, “I know he’s the one that’s gone through all this shit, and I shouldn’t be the one complaining but…it’s taken a toll on me. Once this is over, I’m going to take a position at Vulcan Science Academy.”

“You’re leaving?” Michael said with surprise and a pang of sadness. She was just getting to know him.

“Too many ghosts here.” He replied. “You know, if it ever gets to be too much for you, especially…after this, I could probably pull some strings to get you a position. They can be persuaded to accept a few more humans.”

“So I’ve heard.” Other than her recent sojourn to retrieve Spock, she hadn’t returned to Vulcan in years. A planetside job didn’t hold much appeal to her though. Regardless of what happened with her mother, _Discovery_ was her home. “I’ll stay put.”

“Okay. Let me know if you change your mind. It’s good to have someone who…understands.” 

They were just outside the transporter room. She paused before entering, and she turned to face him.

“Thank you.” She emphasized the words.

“Anytime.” He gave her a smile, and the transporter room door whooshed open.


End file.
